The Pope has one. Horses have tongues, as do cows. George "Dubya" Bush has one, too, but his is forked. I have a tongue and I use it to taste food and jam coffee and water down my esophagus. I also use it, sometimes, to kiss. Gene Simmons has a tongue and his unfurls like a reddish-pink and garish love-banner. "Look at me!" it exclaims. "See my virtuosity!" My dog Lou has a tongue and his goes *snap* when he licks at my face.
It's really quite charming. Big brown eyes, cataclysmic eyebrows, a wet black nose...and a truly giant tongue. *Snap* *Snap*
*Sni-zap*
When he runs in the summertime, it dangles out and behind his mouth like a ragdoll in a little-girl-running's hand. When he lays down in the shade, it sometimes touches the ground.
At a Lebonese restaurant, I noticed, right next to the Lamb Brains, that they also served Lamb Tongues. Wow. That lamb certainly gave his all.
Tongues are wonderful creations. For one thing, did you know that the human tongue is the strongest muscle in the body? It is. Some people are under the false impression that the gluteus maximus is the strongest muscle in the body, but they are dead wrong. The gluteus maximus is simply--just as its name suggests--the biggest. Besides being the strongest muscle in the body and having the unenviable responsibility of being the catalyst to the body's nutritional needs, the human tongue is also covered in tiny bumps called "tastebuds." Miraculous little buggers, those tastebuds. They enable us humans to taste the spectrum, from sweet and sour, to salty and bitter. ("Yuck.") Wonderful though they may be, I do not suggest viewing a close-up of the little guys. You may not want to kiss ever again.
Why tongues? Why do I rob you of valuable time by writing of tongues? Well. Why the hell not? If you've gotten this far, you will have perhaps learned something today. Number One on that list of things learned in a day may be that I am, indeed, quite mad. Perhaps. Either mad as a leaden hatter or bored as a gourd.
I'll take "Over-Caffeinated And Under-Fed" for a thousand, Alex.
11 comments:
Ok, so I'm a little slow on the uptake--are you trying to imply that our fine leader is reptilian? ;)
Doggy kisses are the best!
*Sni-zap* I agree, Nighthawk! =)
Reptilian (sure) but more aptly that he is somehow able to talk out of both sides of his mouth, that he is a professional at double-speak.
So of course I googled magnified human tongues ...
What'd you find? Wait. I'll do it myself. =)
One day, when I win the lottery, I am going to commission you to write me a novel. Until then, I am going to beg you to write another short story for my reading pleasure.
Please Please Please! Do you not hear my pleas here in Pleasantville? :)(:
Okay, Nighthawk. I'll see what I can scrounge up. That "Snatch of Dreams" yarn died a kwik death, no? =)
Congratulations! 3 months (yesterday ) you've used your tongue for everthing but swishing suds, lapping liquor, or jowling juice! You've used your loquacious lengua in meeting after meeting (all right, so I'm really struggling with the tongue theme ... gimme a break).
Anyway, an amazing tour de force, guy. You are so cool! And strong. And smart. And creative. And true. And good-looking. And funny. And a good ping-pong player (but I'm gonna try and whup your ass in a couple of weeks!). All power to you. Namaste.
Good luck with the move!
Unfortunately, my location prevents me from using anything other than brain power to assist you in your relocation.
Mister Uncle Gummy-Jim: "Loquacious lengua?" Damn! Well-done! Yon Master of Ilitteration Rises nigh. And, regarding the Pong of Ping? Bring it, sir! ;-/
Nighthawk: That was very nice of you and I appreciate it greatly. Thanks. Knowing you, your brainpower is more than enough. Your brain could power Denver, if it had to. =) Time to (late) get the truck.
Jim, I second Adam's compliments on the alliteration, and I second your comments on Adam himself. I'd talk trash about how you'll need to look out for the dark horse (me) in the ping-pong tournament, but sadly, I know better. Still, I'll do my best. Game on.
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