PLEASE, CALL ME BRITNEY

Well, I finally did it. It's a progressive condition, both physically and the way in which I combat it. Bald. Four-letter word? Maybe. Well, yes, of course, technically it is a four-letter word, but...shit, you know what I meant. Four-letter word as in dirty or nasty, like, "fuck" and "shit" and "cunt" and "love." Bald, however, is not a dirty word. I am, after damn-near 15 years of moaning about it and, basically, being a whiny bitch about it, finally starting to accept my chrome-domedness and--dare I say?--even enjoying it.

I mentioned "progressive" earlier. I have been cutting and clipping it shorter and shorter, over the years. I just thought that it looked better, that way. There would be no comb-over for me. Not unless I was dead. More simply put: Comb-over? Over my dead body.

Tonight, the last barrier was busted. I broke out the regular razor. The one that I use on my face. I was shaving my face and I looked in the mirror and I thought, well, why the hell not? So I slashed at the side of my head and I liked the result. Truth be told, it really isn't all that much shorter than it has been. But I felt as if I had taken a step towards besting my neurotic tendencies towards my male-pattern baldness. I had used the weapon that had been lying within reach all of these years. I attacked the rest of my melon with unabated ferocity. No shaving cream, shit, barely any water.

The first gunshot had been fired and so the war was on.

There is no razor-burn and there is no angst, as in, "What did I do?! Oh me! Oh my!" Fuck that. It is hair, Adam. And it looks much better this way.

Motherscratcher, I should have done this five years ago. I feel liberated. Fuck you, neuroses, and take a hike, floorboard esteem. This is my head and I like it. It feels cool as hell.

Now all I need is a little sun on the dome, and I'll be cookin'.

You may be saying, "Dude, the banality is making my head cook. You just wrote about taking a razor to your head and then you posted said drivel on the Internet. Are you that wrapped up in your physical appearance?!"

Sadly, dear reader, I kind of am. Especially when it comes to my head. I'm a maroon, in that regard. Now, excuse me as I try to go to sleep after drinking way too much coffee and garnering way too much pleasure from rubbing my baby-smooth head. This shaving thing can get addicting! *smile*