LOLLY, GAGGING IN LIMBOLAND

My name is not Lolly, but, for titling reasons, it seemed to work. So, for this post only, I shall be known as Lolly. And I am gagging in Limboland.

At this time, I can't go into the reasons I am gagging, nor can I say why I find my ass parked squarely in Limboland. Suffice it to say, though, I am and I am.

Cryptic posts are fun! Whee! No, they're not.

I'll say this: Tomorrow is a very important day for me, and I am desirous of a certain outcome. Whether that will happen or not, I am not the one pulling the strings. I do hope, however, that if you read this, you can send good thoughts my way. And, though I have asked this of you before, my dear E-friends, if you can include me in your prayers, that would be much appreciated, as well.

Life is a journey, not a destination, and, as cliched as that sounds/reads, it is the absolute truth. I have been going back to meetings, lately, and that is the advice I have gleaned: let go and let God. It is out of my hands and in His. I have done all that I could, these last several days, and now is the time to surrender and let the chips fall where they may. That is very difficult for me to do. I always want to control the outcomes of certain things and I am one to obsess and obsess and obsess over said outcomes until my mind is frazzled and my stomach is in knots and my palms are clammy and my head fucking hurts.

Release, Adam. Step back. View the big picture. The most important thing is your sobriety.

Though that last sentence has been repeated to me innumerable times, it just doesn't sink in, sometimes. But, it is absolutely true. Without extended sobriety, I haven't a chance of achieving what I hold to be important in life.

I have a frigging disease that tells me I ain't got it, that I am just fine and dandy. And that sucks.

Regardless, I am in need of some prayer, some good thoughts, some karma.

Peace and love, y'all.

Signed,

Lolly