Anything you can do, I can do better. You say "thhhhhrrree;" I say "three." You can't play basketball; I 'm pretty good at basketball. You break windows on your porch with your ass; I break glass tables from a departed grandmother with my ass. The glass was strong; my ass was stronger.Here's the story. My cell phone battery has been giving me problems, lately. It doesn't really hold a charge too well, so I've found myself, increasingly, jabbering on the 'phone whilst it is plugged in to its charger. The most convenient place to put the charger is on the halved glass table right when one walks in the front door. So there it sat, charging, and I called my mom to tell that, like her, I had too had a cold and would not be able to donate blood. (We donate blood together, when it's time--I know, family bonding gone awry.) We chatted for a spell and I shifted position to get more comfortable while I was talking. The next thing I knew, I heard a "Tcheeeshz!" sound and my ass was six inches lower to the floor and my legs were hanging against the side of the table.
Whoopsie.
Hopefully it doesn't cost to much to replace the glass square. On the plus side, no dogs or humans were harmed in this enactment and I finally got around to sweeping under the table, something I've been meaning to get to for a while. And, too, it shattered into reasonably-large pieces o' gli-zass, which made it easier to clean up. One thing that worries me, slightly, is that that is the place where I keep all my shoes, so, hopefully, in the next week or two, I don't pull on a pair of shoes--though I shook all the pairs out--and slice the bottom of my foot open, thus bleeding to death whilst Lou-Dog looks on with disinterest. Time will tell.
Time will tell.
P.S.--I completely blame my mother for this mishap. (Inside joke.)
9 comments:
...no you can't---yes I can---no you can't----yes I can...hehe
That is a bummer...bahdumching!
Custom glass sounds 'spensive' but a must if it is an heirloom.
Sorry :(
Nanette O' Many One Liners: I'll hold my applause for your final act, madam. It's funny that you wrote "bahdumching," as that was kind of the sound the glass made when it broke...though I wasn't really laffin'. =( Actually, I kind of was. It's not really an heirloom, per se, but I do feel that I must replace it.
And, yes, there is a tad of sibling rivalry in the fam dambly. Not much, though. We tend to all get along. We're the Cleavers, that way. =)
We should not be allowed near anything breakable for at least a week. Glad your ass wasn't cut when you were lodged in the table.
It might be hard to find an exact replacement, but you could probably get two new panels of glass.
And if I've told you once, I've told you thhhrrree times: don't park your butt on glass tables.
xoxo
Oh, I thought the "bahdumching" was a drumroll after a bummer/ass pun!
Yup, Melissa, no glass for us for at least TWO weeks and, yes, I totally missed Nighthawk's allusion to ass. I must get more sleep to stay abreast of her witticisms. She's smart as a whip, didja know that? She runs circles around me, sometimes. =)
Geez....you and Melissa must have a thing for breaking glass with your bums'! What a funny coincidence that you both had such similar things happen! Glad that there were no injuries!!!! My parents used to have a coffee table that had a blue glass top (can we say 70's) that I cracked with my face once...didn't break the whole top though. I was chasing the dog and tripped ;0( Holy fat lip!!
70s! Yup, I can say it. Yeah, LilMiss, I reckon the sis and I have bums made outta steel! =)
I'm flattered, Adam.
I'd been thinking that a few lunges were in order, but if I have buns of steel? Fuck that shit.
Exactly, my soapy-mouthed sister. Why do the work if you've already got the end result?
Next on the list: Using your ass as a battering ram during police raids..."Open up! Police! Melissa, will you do the honors?! Clear!"
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