RANDOM THOUGHTS AT FOUR-AYE-EM

When something catchs fire easily is the correct word "flammable" or inflammable?" Or are they one in the same?

Is "insomnia" the most evil-looking word in the English language. Or does "cunt" hold that crown?

Were the Victorians the first to come up with the idea of underwear? And was it made of inpenetrable metals?

Why couldn't we just take a cue from the Native Americans and use tobacco only as a ritualistic drug?

Which came first the egg or the chicken?

And why did the chicken cross the road?

What the fuck was so damned important about the other side?

Are there legitimate mediums or are they just greenback-vacuums of suckas?

Why is it so blissful to walk around an apartment nekked as a jaybird?

And why are jaybirds singled out for being nekked?

And what the fuck is a jaybird? A blue jay? A marijuana-happy avian?

Why does it seem--every year--that money becomes transparent and disappears every holiday season?

Were the creators of those Phonics books trying to pull a fast one on the American public by naming the kid "Dick?"

And wasn't the cat named "Muff?"

And the dog named "Hard-on?"

Yeah. Those Phonics dudes thought they were slick, I'll bet.

Why is going back to work after a long layoff such a nerve-wracking event?

Is a "baker's dozen" equivalent to seven?

Why would scientists ever have come up with the malady of trans fats? Fuck shelf-life; these are people's arteries that we're talking about!

Is AA in the Guinness Book of World Records for "The Most Blatant Abuser of Cliches?"

Have you ever let go and let God?

How about taken it one day at a time?

Have you ever faked it till you made it?

Have you ever lived by the slogan, the axiom, "Just for Today?"

Have you ever wondered what tomorrow would bring?

Who was the first person to practice skatology and what the hell happened to him or her in his or her formative years?

Do we even want to go there?

Have you ever lived on reds, vitamin Cs and cocaine?

Were you aware that "Grateful Dead" and "Led Zeppelin" are both plays on words?

Were you aware that Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix all died at the age of 27 and all three names have four syllables and all begin with the letter "J?"

Did a goose just walk over your grave?

Will I be able to get the fuck back to sleep?

Yes.