My mouth is home to warring factions right now. My tongue keeps poking into the debris left by the root canal and flexing against the substance (whatever the hell it is) that the dentist used to pack the immense hole. My tongue is repeatedly scraping 'gainst the sharp edges of the annihilated tooth.Tongue [like an excited third-grader]: Oh! Lookie here! Lookie here! Lookie here! Lookie here! Lookie here! Lookie here! Lookie here! Lookie here! Lookie here! Looki--
Jagged Tooth: Dude. We're the same as we were fifteen seconds ago, man. We haven't changed a lick. [pauses] You know? That was pretty punny, all things considered.
"Substance": Huh?
Jagged Tooth [sighing]: Never mind, blob. Never mind.
Tongue: Oh! Lookie here! Lookie here! Lookie here! Lookie here! Lookie here! Loo--
Jagged Tooth: Yes! We are still here, you ADD motherfucker!
"Substance": Well, speak for yourself, compadre. I ain't exactly as here as I was back at the office. Tongue-boy...he's, uh, really done a number on me. [to itself] Maybe I wasn't hard enough?
Tongue: Oh! Lookie here! Lookie here! Lookie here!
Stomach [from a distance off-stage]: I can vouch for "Substance," Jagged Tooth. Some of him is with me. Well, was with me. I had him take a bath. So what if it was a bath in acidic juices? 'Twas still a bath, you know.
Jagged Tooth [sarcastically]: Thanks for the input, Stom. What would we do without you?
Stomach: Durrrr....
Tongue: Oh! Lookie here! Lookie here! Lookie here! Lookie here! Looki--
Jagged Tooth: Man, keep it up. Seriously. Keep it up and I may have to cap yo' ass. Or maybe crown yo' ass.
[Silence from all]
Jagged Tooth: Does anyone here have the friggin' capacity to appreciate a pun?! Jesus!
Stomach and "Substance" [simultaneously]: Durrrr....
Tongue: Oh! Lookie here!
15 comments:
Seriously, the voices in your head have taken over completely, haven't they? ;-)
I rarely hear "I'm going to crown you" anymore. I've said it to Pete on more than one occasion (yesterday, for example, when he thought that everything inside the trash would look better spread out on the carpet), so I guess the phrase is still in use to some extent, but it's not something you hear every day.
Could you take a poll, please? How many people use/hear the phrase or were threatened with it as a child?
P.S. Your body is really really talkative. And punny.
You're hilarious. Seriously.
Wishes for a speedy recovery with that gaping hole in your mouth.
And for Melissa's poll...
I've never even heard that expression. So no.
LMAO!
What exactly does a root canal consist of?
Isn't it annoying how your tongue insists on exploring any and all dental anomalies repeatedly?
J-Jay: Uh, yes. Doesn't everybody's voices talk to them? ;-)
Melamac the Greattack: Meliss, I think that I've only heard it come out of Mom's mouth. I reckon its etymology is from hitting someone on the crown of their head, thus "crowning" them.
Thanks, KId! =o) Mucho gracias, muchacha. And thanks for the well-wishes. With pain medication, I can do this root canal thing-y standing on my head.
Well, Bunny Bleu, a root canal comsists of the dentist leaning over your mouth and drilling away the excess decay from the tooth (with inadequate novacaine at the outset) and then taking little pins and scouring into the root of the tooth, scouring away the nerves. Think of it as clearing a clog from a drainpipe. He (or she) slides the requisite sized pin into the root bed and, with an up-and-down sliding motion, obliterates any and all nerve endingings in the root housing, thus "canal-ing" the offending tooth. Itz phun! :-P Seriously, though, revel in your root canal innocence...and always floss!
that was so funny...especially 'tongue'. yes, i have said 'i'll crown you'. maybe that is where you two have heard it. it was popular when i was younger. can't say i have heard it lately, except for your blog, but then, it hasn't been applicable to any of the conversations i have had for a while. having a play going on in your mouth is useful to take your mind of the the pain. good thinking. hope your root canal will soon be a thing of the past.
Would you mind following me around and narrating my life? ;)
Melissa, never heard it either!
Adam you are so damn silly, that's why we love you so! :) Lookie!
'Ayyyyy, BooBoo: Ayup. Whenever a play is going on inside one's mouth, you know things are going just fine. :-)
Nighthawk: No problema, madam. I'll be in Utah in the morning. Where do we start? ;-)
Spork: Aw, thanks, kiddo. =o)
LoL! Sorry about the suffering, Dude, but it sure made for a funny story.
Sorry you had to go through it... having said that, I would love for you to follow me around and transcribe my life happenings.
Dirk Star: Ah, I'm feeling much better now. 'Twas only the first day, really, that had any discomfort.
IF: Okay, braw. Tell me when and where. ;-)
Ouch, those things scare the hell out of me. Good luck with the chopper recovery.
Cheers
Superb blog! Do you have any tips for aspiring writers?
I'm planning to start my own blog soon but I'm a
little lost on everything. Would you propose starting with a free
platform like Wordpress or go for a paid option? There are
so many choices out there that I'm completely overwhelmed .. Any ideas? Thanks a lot!
Feel free to visit my blog post: weightloss programs
Post a Comment