What to write about? I have today off of work, so I'm sitting here, in front of my computer, pleading to my Muse for some inspiration. I wrote out a bunch of words yesterday with which I'm thinking of spinning a yarn, but not today. What I need is one of those Blogging For Dummies books that helpfully suggests blogging topics. Write about your favorite pet! Write about a childhood friend! Write about your favorite vacation! Write about the deluded mind of 19th-century serial killer Jack the Ripper! And how he got his nickname! Won't that be gleeful?! Yeah, those books are quite helpful.
Write about your favorite pet, which you bought on your favorite vacation, which then became your best childhood friend and whom you glossed Jack the Ripper! Whee! There's a blog idea.
So I "celebrated" 30 days of sobriety yesterday. It's been an eventful 30 days, but I've only had urges to pick up a couple days out of the 30 and so I feel pretty good about that. Physically and mentally and spiritually I feel fucking fantastic. Financially, I'm still behind the eight-ball, but, generally, that is the last of life's stratas to come around, as it were. There's a slight delay, is all's I'm saying. That's fine, though. If things continue in the manner in which they have been going, that area of life shall balance out soon enough.
I haven't felt this good in a long long long motherfucking time. 30 days isn't really shit. I can do that standing on my head, and I have, in the past. The thing that is different this time is the fact that I have wholly and unabashedly bought into the AA program. I've gone to a meeting every day since getting out of the clinic, missing only Christmas Day. (But I made up for it by going to two meetings on New Years Eve, so I'm still on track for the "suggested" 90 meetings in 90 days.) Why wouldn't I go to 90 in 90? I'm not foolish. I know that I need all the support that I can scoop up, absorb.
Some people get out of rehabilitation kliniks and say to themselves, "Well, that's it. I'm cured. Buh-bye, monkey." How? How in Hell are they cured? One is never cured from this shit. It just goes into, for lack of a better word, remission. Or hibernation. Whichever. Oftentimes, people with that pretty-flawed mode of thinking relapse. Oftentimes? Try 90% of the time, as a slightly-conservative estimate. When we're tooling around, feeling like King Shit, our addiction is in the basement, like Clubber Lane, from "Rocky 2," hitting the weights and seething with impotent rage. If and when it gets the chance, it will storm back with a vengeance. Happy thought, eh?
So, anyway, 30 days. I got a coin today. It's up there in the corner. It's red. And feels like it's made out of thrice-folded tin foil. You know what, though? It could be made out of bran flakes, for all I care. It's the representation of the coin, if you can dig it, that gets me all hot and bothered. The representation of taking control of my life and attempting to live right. And giving it up to the Creator. And giving thanks. And feeling secure in myself. And looking forward to the next day. And embracing all my quirks and idosynchrasies as a part of myself.
Okay. Enough New-Age psycho-babble. Every day that we are on Earth is a blessing. Every day that we wake to the birds singing and the sun shining is a blessing. Time is short; live well.
9 comments:
Thirty days, Adam! The amount of time isn't as important as how differently you're approaching sobriety now, but still! I'm very happy for you and glad you're feeling so good.
xoxo
Good for you! One day at a time...:)
That's awesome Adam! Your outlook is wonderful. It's no wonder you are feeling better. Best of luck, as always ;0)
Thank you, Meliss, Nighthawk and Missy Little. AA support is one thing, support from people whom I consider friends is something wholly different. Thanks again. I'm kinda proud of the 30 days, but, like I said, it ain't all that much of an accomplishment. But, like you said, Nan, one day at a time. And that's my mentality.
Hi Adam. Thanks for stopping by and saying "hello" at my blog, and way to go on the thirty days.
If you need a cheering section in the dairy state, I'm happy to help you out. You can doooo it!!!! :)
"Dooooo it?" Melissa? That attaboy is truly mooooo-ving. Hah! I crack myself up! :/
I think 30 days is wonderful. :) You're absolutely right that you can't ever consider yourself "cured." Recovery is truly a lifelong process.
As you probably can't tell from a lot of my pictures involving alcohol, I really don't drink too often. My Dad and sister are both in AA, and addiction runs in my family. I consider myself fortunate that I don't get addicted to anything, but I don't want to push my luck!!
Adam, you have a plethora of Melissas around here :0)
way to go! you sound so damn VIBE-rant I have to keep checking my pulse to see if I'm still breathing by comparison ... and the writing is raw and good and witty and spontaneous and irreverent ... cheering you on to your second tin-foil medal!!! ... when it gets tough what do you do? ... howz the support at work? ... and do you have many Mozart woodwind concertos?
...thinking about you
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