Dear Sir,I am a long-suffering Detroit Lions fan and, I have to say, I am pleasantly surprised with the Lions' recent success. If you'll allow me the vulgarity, it's about fucking time...Sir.
However, I have an issue with the team that I would hope that you, a savvy businessman, would have the good grace to address. I am dismayed by the fact that a professional football team--one which sells out every damned game--has no cheerleaders. Is it too much to ask, Sir, to plop a team of scantily-clad women, dressed in the beloved Honolulu-blue-and-silver, on the sidelines so that the fans--men and women alike--can goggle and appreciate the beauty and atheletic purity of cartwheels and pantomimed bumps-and-grinds?
I must congratulate you on the omission of the 13-year-olds with batons in recent years--that's just wrong--but I must, again, plead with you to get some T-and-A on the sidelines.
Thank you for your prompt attention to this important matter.
Yours in Sheepdom,
Adam [last name redacted]
9 comments:
Dear Devoted Fan,
Sideline T&A it is! We thank you for bringing this glaring omission to our attention, and can't imagine how it's been overlooked all this time.
Yours in football,
Mr. William Clay Ford, Junior
Dude, William Clay Ford himself replied to your email! Just a matter of time now ...
Thank you, Billy! You da man!
Missy: See what a little squeaking does?! Sahhhhh-weet! =o)
Truth be told, I could care less about football. Now, before you cut my head off, know that I will support you on your request for cheerleaders. You can ogle their tits and asses, and I'll sit beside you giving a critique on their outfits and how I would have chosen something else.
B-but, I. Fumbles, how *could* their outfits even *begin* to be critiqued?! They're perfect as is! :-P
Laugh Out Fucking Loud!
That ain't right, no jiggle? Sheesh.
Sadly, Nighthawk, no jiggle on the sidelines. What is WRONG with this world?! :-P
You're a dirty, little pervert, eh? I like you.
I yam what I yam, Blondie. :-P
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