Sunday, December 30, 2007

RESOLUTIONS AND NERF HOOPS, NEW ARMCHAIRS AND PATRIOTS

December 30th. It's that time of year again when people commence to look somewhat-objectively at their place in the universe and decide what parts of their life should be examined, what parts should be dove-tailed into moderation and what parts should be excised altogether. Usually, I resolutely refuse to write a list of things that I [need to] should change about myself. Why bother? You know? My resolutions last, on average, about a week, maybe two, and then it is right back on the Locomotive to Self-Destruction.

I am all talk. I know what I need to do to become a happier and healthier and more productive member of society, but, albeit I can talk a mean game, I rarely follow through on what I know would be beneficial to myself and others in my life.

But, as Tom Cruise long-ago said in Risky Business, sometimes you just gotta say what the fuck. So, in 2008 (Oh-Eight?! I can't believe that!), I resolve to do the following:

I plan to eat better. Happiness starts with regularity, I've heard, so I'm thinking about walking the isles of Vegetarianism. Or at least eat a hell of a lot more veggies. And fruit.

I resolve to walk at least a mile a day. With or without the dogs, 30 minutes a day can keep one healthy and help to shed unwanted pounds. I gotta lotta poun's I doan wan', Loocee.

I will more earnestly look into quitting smoking. Basic. Needed. Breath is good. Hacking sucks. Cancer sucks.

I will weight train more. I want to be a more muscular Adam in 2008 and beyond.

I will get better sleep. A good night's sleep is key to the motivation to better myself. Being tired and cranky all the time is not conducive to getting off my ass and getting things done.

I will attend more Meetings of Bill W. I need to remind myself why I have been sober for over a year now.

I will strive for honesty and self-accountability. Deceit and half-truths beget more of the same. Fo' shizzle, said Confuscious.

I will work more overtime, thus enabling myself to double my efforts in combatting my Credit Card Demons. Fucking credit cards. Don't get me started. And to any and all kids out there? You don't get started, either. Debt is a morass that sucks quite a bit of the joy out of life. Be smart from the beginning, y'hear?

I will try to not be so much of a friggin' hermit. I tend to isolate. That is not good for the mental health of ole Adamity Bomb_Bomb.

I will try to disengage the talons of the Internet from my forebrain. The Web is fanrastic, sure, but it's as addicting as brown sugar on oatmeal.

I will watch my fucking spending and buy what I need, not whatever catches my eye like I'm some pea-brained hummingbird, attracted to the shiny and new of life. I need to think before I buy--or charge--"Do I really need this?" More often that not the answer will be "No." I need to think more Buddha-istically. Less is more, baby.

I will be the perfect man. And just what the hell does that even mean? Okay. I'll just be the best guy that I can be. That's, um, a little easier.

Tall orders, huh? And that's specifically why I tend to avoid the Proclamations of a New Year. Many of these damned resolutions are assuredly attainable...the key is to stop the status quo cogs of the mind and to just fucking do it. Talk is cheap and blah blah blah. Okay. Here's one final resolution:

I resolve to be a man of action rather than a man of paralysis by analysis. I'm not talking Steven Segal, here, or Ahnold, I'm just saying that I tend to look at things 15 million different ways before I act. More often that not, it's a waste of time. I need to go with my gut more. I need to leap and then look. I need to more-readily trust my instincts. They're spot-on most of the time.

But some things need to be analyzed and--see?! Already--the ink ain't even cold yet--and already I am trying to soften things to my liking and loading up the Half-Measures catapault. Don't think. Do.

Onto more pleasurable things. The Nerf Hoop with which Meegie so graciously presented me for Christmas is finally assembled. Nothing like taking two weeks to get a child's toy put together, eh?! I couldn't do it. My sister couldn't do it. My brother-in-law couldn't do it. Meeg couldn't do it. We are all educated and intelligent adults, but we all looked at the Nerf basketball hoop and basically scratched our heads and looked for bananas. It was that complicated! Well, actually, it wasn't that complicated. We all just overlooked the most basic premise of the assembly: The two pieces of plastic to be used for mounting the hoop were not intended to be hooked together in some way. No. Rather, the first, bigger piece of plastic, was to go through the hole cut out in the cardboard backboard, and the second, smaller, piece of plastic was to be used to hang the top of the backboard from the top of the door. Seperate. Effective. Not a flaw in engineering. Rather, a flaw in the child-proof assembly instructions; cunt-fusing, they were. I had to go on the Internet to see a picture of the Nerf hoop before it dawned on me what I had been doing wrong. So. Anyway, it pleases me to no end to have the Nerf Hoop up and functioning. I feel like a 13-year-old again. (Except the acne has passed and my voice in a much lower register. Oh, and I make more money and I can drive a car. And vote.)

Yesterday, Saturday, my sisters and brothers-in-law and I went to my late uncle's beautiful 10-year-old house in rural Hamburg, Michigan, to look at things that were left in his house after his premature passing and, perhaps, make them our own. I felt vulture-ish, to tell you the truth. It felt almost voyeurisitc to go through his house, after his death, and claim his things as my own. But I thought about it longer: I think--no, I know--that he'd have wanted us to have his things if he were unable to use them. Better that family got his material goods instead of strangers at an auction...or whatever. So I rented a trailer and used said trailer to obtain a basically brand-new couch and an insanely-soft (and also brand-new) leather recliner that feels like butter when you sit in it. I already tested it today: I fell asleep in it for a two-hour nap. It's a keeper. I also fit in to a bunch of his shoes, so I took those, too. I still feel like a vulture, but, thank you, Uncle Rod. May you and Dean continue to catch up in peace.

[I love the couch and I love the chair--unfortunately, Oliver and Lou do, too. I just walked into the living room to see Oliver reclining on the sofa with a tiny checkerboarded swatch of a throw pillow ergonomically located next to his sharp little snout. I'll have to disabuse him of that mindset. Posthaste.]

One final note: congratulations to the New England Patriots. I've been pulling for them to remain unbeaten for a couple of reasons. One, Tom Brady is a former Wolverine and one of my favorite NFL players and, two, maybe this will finally shut the mouths of the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the last team to go undefeated and a yearly storyline with their sideline gathering in hopes that the record remained theirs. It's over, guys. See ya later, dudes. Your time has passed. You go now.

493 comments:

1 – 200 of 493   Newer›   Newest»
Jay said...

Dude .... You have totally made me look bad with your resolutions. I may redo mine now. haha

I resigned myself to the fact that the Pats would go undefeated and win it all this year several weeks ago. I'm okay with it all now.

Melissa said...

The goals you set are attainable. It all boils down to health: health eating, healthy exercising, healthy spending. You can do it!

I wish I'd had a crack at the Nerfoop - I fancy myself quite the engineer (ask Mom about the wiper blade if you doubt me - ignore the part where I put it on upside-down at first ...) and love to try to puzzle things out. Glad you figured out how it was supposed to work!

I know what you mean about Uncle Rodney's stuff, but it's a huge project to empty a house, and I'm sure the less Aunt Joanne has to worry about, the better. I must try that chair. The boys have not been on the loveseat (and won't) - a judiciously placed remote control or two has done the trick.

Here's to the new year! Have a great one!

M@ said...

Looks like we've got some things in common.

Weight training
staying sober
making friends

I'm a cliche.

Me_Again said...

Excellent Bomb-Bomb! Great aspirations from a great man. I think we should indulge in a vegetarian feast to bring in the New Year =0)
*giggles like a 13 year old*

Adamity_Bomb_Bomb said...

You doan like the Pats, Jay? Por que, senor, por que? Good luck with the resolutions and have a happy New Year's celebration. I look forward to your Vlogs of Oh-Eight.

Melissa: And of course a happy one to you, too, deer sis. :-P Regarding the prohibitive remote controls, I have the feeling that my kids would look at the remotes and shrug and perhaps indulge in a tasty treat o' platic.

M@: Ain't sobriety grand? Well...ain't it at least cheaper? ;-)

Meegie: Vegetarian New Year? Sounds delicious! =o) I'll raise a mug o' java to my aspirations becoming Reality.

Anonymous said...

I wish you the best on your resolutions, I really really do. I know that if I set any they will likely be "thrown out the window" so I don't even bother anymore.

I know for sure one thing that HAS to be done and that is to be healthier. I need someone to discipline me when I can't seem to do it myself....it's just not an easy task.

As unfortunate as it is how you attained the new chair, couch and shoes, it's nice to get "new" stuff. Especially when it's stuff that you can use on a daily basis.

Adamity_Bomb_Bomb said...

Heya Tizzy. =o) Thanks for the words and also good luck on with the leg. Horrible timing, no? I think most people lack discipline. That's why resolutions always "fly out the window," as you said. 'Tis human nature, methinks.

buxindi said...

wonderful blog. i, too, was motivated to set down some resolutions for 2008 (after i mercilessly kick 2007 out the door). i have a feeling 2008 will be a great year...it has to be.
good luck on all your resolutions and have a very happy new year's eve and 2008.

Adamity_Bomb_Bomb said...

You too, Boo-Boo. I hope that you're doing all right. And as for resolutions? They're really easy to make, but a bit tougher to keep. :-P

Nanette said...

I like your list, sometimes just having some goals written down gives one the extra kick in the ass to 'git er done.

Happy New Year Adam! :D

Adamity_Bomb_Bomb said...

Happy New Year to you, too, Nighthawk. I hope it's a good one for you and yours.

FRITZ said...

I *may* join you in your quest to stop smoking and get healthy.

Otherwise, I'm going to suffocate on carbon monoxide and fat molecules bunched up around my throat. It won't be pretty.

When you indicate that you are in the 'chemicals' business, I assume you are not referring to methamphetamine.

My husband is an industrial chemical salesman. Will the coincidences never stop?

Also: regarding hermitage: if the world is full of incompetent morons, there is very little reason why you should seek their company. On the other hand, if you are looking for some friends, you can always walk along Curry Ave. Most of the time, we are sequestering ourselves in our rented shitbox, knitting and playing with new, shiny objects.

Adamity_Bomb_Bomb said...

Fritz: "Otherwise, I'm going to suffocate on carbon monoxide and fat molecules bunched up around my throat. It won't be pretty." LOL

I've heard that people o' Curry and people o' Harwood are the coolest cats of Royal Oak. I think I read it in the Metro Times, somewhere.

In chemicals...well, I searched high and low on that Occupations drop-bar, but I couldn't find anything that indicated working with highly-flammable natural gas and digging ditches. Yep, I work for Consumers Energy. I work for the "Evil Empire."

"Rented shitbox." Too funny. =o)

:-O

Sugar Kane said...

You forgot "Find a new NFL team to support". I can't believe you were cheering for the fucking Patriots. I don't know if we can still be friends.

Adamity_Bomb_Bomb said...

I'm a fan of perfection, Sugar Kane. That's why I read your blog.

(Can we still be friends? Puh-lease?)

=o)

Kali said...

Yeah I made a list of resolutions as well - that way if I break one I still have more to work on!!

Love your blog... And your dogs!!!

Anonymous said...

I didn't take the time to read your blog on resolutions... I was too busy trying to figure out how to assemble this stinking Nerf hoop I have been working on for the last 30 minutes. I am just glad I got it done before the babysitter arrived and I had to confess that I couldn't figure out how to assemble a Nerf hoop for my 3 year old.

As far as resolutions go, I might suggest resolving to grow in your relationship with God. He desires to know you and be known by you.

Thanks for your post. I was beginning to get a headache working on this thing.

Best regards,
Troy

Anonymous said...

After leaving my last post, I read your resolutions and continued to think about the frustrating Nerf hoop. It occurred to me that in assembling the Nerf hoop both of us were handicapped by our past way of viewing things. You and I both had Nerf hoops as kids and at that time they didn't have a backboard. We had a certain way of viewing Nerf hoops based on our past -- and that didn't include the existence of a backboard.

For each of us, it took someone else showing us the new design before we could put the pieces together. For you, it was a picture on the Internet. For me, it was you explaining how you had come to "see the light".

Interestingly, this all applies to the area of personal resolutions and wanting to live better, healthier lives. We are handicapped because of our past. We have deeply ingrained habits, certain ways of viewing things and doing things that keep us from seeing and living a new way of doing things. Sometimes it takes someone else -- or a picture of a different way -- to help us see a new pattern for living.

For me this came when I was invited to a men's bible study where I met a group of men who showed me a new pattern for living my life. As I watched them and learned from them, I too was able to live according to the new pattern more and more.

Jesus Christ came to show us a new pattern for living in our relationships with him and our relationships with others. He showed us the new pattern and gave us everything we need for a life of godliness (trying to be that perfect man you mentioned - 1 Peter chapter 1). That's why "if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old (way of living) has passed away, the new has come." (2 Corinthians 5:17)

It's been 4 months since your resolutions and I obviously don't know how you are doing with them. I can tell you that I made many resolutions in my life to be a better man, a better husband, a better father; but it wasn't until I became a new creation -- until I saw the new pattern for living life and received the power from God to do it -- that I was able to live the life that God intended.

Best regards,
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Jason said...

You completely made my 2 year old's birthday today. I was about to give up and burn the Nerf basketball hoop he got - but thanks to finding your post here, he's jammin' harder than Jordan! Thanks for the info!

Anonymous said...

I didn't read most of your blog... it was just the number one site listed on google when I searched for nerf hoop assembly. I just wanted to say THANK YOU for blogging about that!!! My husband and I spent about 20 minutes fighting with those stupid plastic pieces when I finally went to look it up. Without your post, we too may have been trying to 2 weeks also. THANK YOU.

Kara said...

I did a google search for "how to put together a Nerf basketball hoop" because I myself tried for hours to connect the plastic pieces together. Luckily your blog was the FIRST in my google search and my problem was solved. This is probably why adults should not buy these things on a whim and leave the toys for the kids. Thanks for your Nerf education, now I have to dig the cardboard packaging out of my garbage can.

Anonymous said...

Another grateful Nerf parent thanks you! How maddening are the ridiculous instructions!

Anonymous said...

Many heartfelt thanks for posting your hint about how to assemble the Nerfoop. It's the eighth night of Hannukah two years after your post, and my husband and I were determined to get that hoop on our kid's door. You saved us much frustration; it only took us half an hour to assemble a $5 toy.
Happy holidays! Peace on earth and better how-to directions for all....

kathost@gmail.com said...

You have helped yet another frustrated parent 'see the light' on assembling the nerf hoop. Merry Christmas! Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the Nerf Hoop help!!! The simple, but not obvious set up confused me for an hour before I turned to the web for some help. My son is very happy now.

Merry Christmas!!

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