Friday, June 01, 2007

INSIDE THE MIND OF AN A-BOMB

The Sugary One, a woman who is just as comfortable hollering along to Tupac as she is changing a tire or battering an asshole-ish Little League coach, has tagged me to answer some questions. I feel it is my civic duty, here in CyberLand, to do just that. So.
1. What was I doing 10 years ago? In June, ten years ago, I would have been 24. I was working as a manager at a pizza place (Hungry Howie's, not to be confused with Hungry Hippos) and I was finishing up my college edumuhcation; my commencement ceremony happened to be on the same damned day that the Red Wings won the Stanley Cup, so I missed out on all the debauchery in downtown Royal Oak, said debauchery including alcohol being consumed in copious quantities and young women "popping" their tops. Friggin' higher education....

2. What was I doing 1 year ago? One year ago--if my math is correct--I would have been 33, and I was doing pretty much--save for one very salient variable--what I'm doing now: I was working at Consumers Energy, the gas company, and wondering how in the hell I ended up working at a place, with a college degree, that I could have been working at straight outta high school. A year ago, I was probably wondering just how the hell I had been born without an Ambition gene. The one major difference? Last year I was ingesting large amounts of the Devil's Piss, also known as beer, spirits, booze, liquor, wine--anything with alcohol in it. Today, June 1st, I am six days shy of six months sobriety, a fact of which I am pretty proud.

3. Five snacks I enjoy: I love Chocolate Moosetracks ice cream; I love it more with Magic Shell and Reddi Whip. I am a huge fan of roasted garlic hummous on toasted pita bread. Peanut butter toast kicks ass. Would you consider hard-boiled eggs a snack? I do, provided they are laden with black pepper and a squack of salt. Microwave popcorn with parmasean cheese is also a favorite of mine.

4. Five songs to which I know all the lyrics: I am sad to say that I really don't know--by heart--the lyrics to any songs. I reckon I could belt out "Frosty the Snowman" if I had to and "You're a Grand Old Flag." Other than that, I'm stumped. I am, however, quite skilled at kinda sorta maybe sounding like I might know the song's lyrics...but only if it's playing and only if I can hear it. So I guess that doesn't count.

5. Five things I would do if I were a millionaire: Well, a million dollars doesn't go as far as it used to. Just ask Doctor Evil. But if I had a million dollars, I wouldn't have to eat Kraft macaroni and cheese anymore. Wait a minute. What am I talking about? I'd still eat it; I'd just eat more of it. (I can't believe that I am quoting Barenaked Ladies. Somebody shoot me, please, before I start rambling about my old apartment.) But, to answer the question, I would pay off my fucking credit card bills--and give the banks a big middle finger when I did--and I'd buy a Rolls Royce and travel...to Youngston, Ohio. Just for the hell of it. Because I could. Two more things.... I would help my family with some of their bills and buy myself some new clothes. (The loincloths I wear...they're so 1950s.)

6. Five Bad Habits: I smoke, I don't get enough exercise, I watch too much porn, I don't follow through on my dreams and I tend to be pessimistic.

7. Five things I like doing: Smoking, lounging about, introducing the Monkey Bishop to Miss Michigan, procrastinating and wallowing in self-pity. =o)

8. Five things I would never wear again: I would never wear a jockstrap ever again--they chafe--I would never wear a condom twice, I would never roll my jean legs up and in like I used to do in eighth grade, back in 1987, I wouldn't be caught dead with a combover (does that count? yeah, people can wear a hairstyle--it says so in the MLA Handbook), and, if I were a woman, I would not wear a navel-baring half-shirt twice if I didn't have the navel to bare, once. Huh?

9. Five favorite toys: Do sex toys count? Because I don't have any. (Unless you count a studded cock ring. Ba-da-bing! Just joking. No, I'm not. Yes, I am?) Um, favorite toys.... I really enjoy my Playstation 2. Basketballs are pleasureable to me. I use my digital camera like a toy. That's three.... Rollerblades? Sure, Rollerblades. And a hockey stick. I've come to a conclusion: I don't play nearly enough. Playing keeps you young, don'tcha know.

I've come to another conclusion: I'm somewhat boring. Time to pull a Madonna and start sashaying about in a bullet bra. There's nothing boring about that! What about you, Sylvia, Missy, and Drea? What makes you kidz tick?

11 comments:

Melissa said...

Monkey Bishop? Miss Michigan? I, I don't think I get it ... oh wait. Yes, I do.

Dude, your pantlegs were so cute in 1987 - you should try to singlehandedly bring that style back. I'll cheer, I swear. And might, MIGHT, peg my pants, too.

Nanette said...

I really loved that Hungry Howie's Pizza...it was just down the street from an apartment we had. Then, it went out of business. :P And now, you keep bringing it up and making me long for the HH! ;)

If it makes you feel any better, we can sign ourselves up for some genetic testing--perhaps they can isolate the dominant gene that smothers the ambition. :/

I am happy for you and your sobriety! :) Pass the A&W and I'll bring the ice cream--moosetracks!

Monkey bishop to Miss Michigan--very clever! ;)

Heather said...

I'm dang proud of all your sobriety, too, Adam. Congratulations.

The One and Only A said...

Thanks all. Then again, I have to make it till June sixth, and my resolve is weakening...in fact? I'm-a gonna go to the corner store and grab a half-gallon of Absolut. Just to...test myself.... Joke.

Melissa, any time you think that you might not have gotten something that I have written, ask yourself, dear child, if it could have *something* to do with sex, no matter how far-fetched, how tenuous, the connection may be. I think you'll find, more often than not, it all comes back to sweaty bodies and bodily fluids. :-O And, yeah, once it gets cooler, the pegged pants are going to be pushed by yours truly. ;-)

Nighthawk: Let's sign up for the Genome Project. That Ambition gene has got to be *somewhere*, right? And? HH? Garlic-Cajun-Butter-Cheese crust...nothing better.

Thanks Muirnie. =o) Six months seems like fifteen years, some days.

Sugar Kane said...

Congrats on your sobriety! You should be proud.

The One and Only A said...

Thanks, Cane Sugar, I am. 6 months in about an hour and fifteen minutes--not that I'm countin', or anything. ;-)

Sylvia said...

Happy 6 month sobriety Adam!! Im proud of ya!
My answers will be up in about 15 min ;-)

rumbles said...

Interesting insight on the popcorn and cheese...I'm going to have to try that one day...and yes hard-boiled eggs are a snack...we've even bought an egg-cooker....

The One and Only A said...

Thanks, Missile! I just read them. Very interesting. I love the "Likes" list. ;-)

Rumbles: Gotta love the hard-boiled egss, eh?! =)

Kristina said...

See, I haven't read any blogs lately, so I missed this entry... I figure commenting late is better than never, though, right... I wanted to say CONGRATS on your six months of sobriety. That's a great feat... You made it one-hundred and eighty some odd days... One day at a time.

Also! I LOVE popcorn with parmasean... OOooh, AND peanut butter toast. because the peanut butter is like liquid crack when it's all melty on the toast. Mmmm. And I watch way too much porn, too. Errr, I mean...

I think I'm oversharing again.

The One and Only A said...

Hiya, KId! I guess responding late is better than not responding at all, eh? I agree wholeheartedly: Melted peanut butter *is* like liquid crack--try it with butter on the bread, too. Mm-mm, good! As for the porn...share all you want! Be strong! Be proud! =o)~)