1. What was I doing 10 years ago? In June, ten years ago, I would have been 24. I was working as a manager at a pizza place (Hungry Howie's, not to be confused with Hungry Hippos) and I was finishing up my college edumuhcation; my commencement ceremony happened to be on the same damned day that the Red Wings won the Stanley Cup, so I missed out on all the debauchery in downtown Royal Oak, said debauchery including alcohol being consumed in copious quantities and young women "popping" their tops. Friggin' higher education....
2. What was I doing 1 year ago? One year ago--if my math is correct--I would have been 33, and I was doing pretty much--save for one very salient variable--what I'm doing now: I was working at Consumers Energy, the gas company, and wondering how in the hell I ended up working at a place, with a college degree, that I could have been working at straight outta high school. A year ago, I was probably wondering just how the hell I had been born without an Ambition gene. The one major difference? Last year I was ingesting large amounts of the Devil's Piss, also known as beer, spirits, booze, liquor, wine--anything with alcohol in it. Today, June 1st, I am six days shy of six months sobriety, a fact of which I am pretty proud.
3. Five snacks I enjoy: I love Chocolate Moosetracks ice cream; I love it more with Magic Shell and Reddi Whip. I am a huge fan of roasted garlic hummous on toasted pita bread. Peanut butter toast kicks ass. Would you consider hard-boiled eggs a snack? I do, provided they are laden with black pepper and a squack of salt. Microwave popcorn with parmasean cheese is also a favorite of mine.
4. Five songs to which I know all the lyrics: I am sad to say that I really don't know--by heart--the lyrics to any songs. I reckon I could belt out "Frosty the Snowman" if I had to and "You're a Grand Old Flag." Other than that, I'm stumped. I am, however, quite skilled at kinda sorta maybe sounding like I might know the song's lyrics...but only if it's playing and only if I can hear it. So I guess that doesn't count.
5. Five things I would do if I were a millionaire: Well, a million dollars doesn't go as far as it used to. Just ask Doctor Evil. But if I had a million dollars, I wouldn't have to eat Kraft macaroni and cheese anymore. Wait a minute. What am I talking about? I'd still eat it; I'd just eat more of it. (I can't believe that I am quoting Barenaked Ladies. Somebody shoot me, please, before I start rambling about my old apartment.) But, to answer the question, I would pay off my fucking credit card bills--and give the banks a big middle finger when I did--and I'd buy a Rolls Royce and travel...to Youngston, Ohio. Just for the hell of it. Because I could. Two more things.... I would help my family with some of their bills and buy myself some new clothes. (The loincloths I wear...they're so 1950s.)
6. Five Bad Habits: I smoke, I don't get enough exercise, I watch too much porn, I don't follow through on my dreams and I tend to be pessimistic.
7. Five things I like doing: Smoking, lounging about, introducing the Monkey Bishop to Miss Michigan, procrastinating and wallowing in self-pity. =o)
8. Five things I would never wear again: I would never wear a jockstrap ever again--they chafe--I would never wear a condom twice, I would never roll my jean legs up and in like I used to do in eighth grade, back in 1987, I wouldn't be caught dead with a combover (does that count? yeah, people can wear a hairstyle--it says so in the MLA Handbook), and, if I were a woman, I would not wear a navel-baring half-shirt twice if I didn't have the navel to bare, once. Huh?
9. Five favorite toys: Do sex toys count? Because I don't have any. (Unless you count a studded cock ring. Ba-da-bing! Just joking. No, I'm not. Yes, I am?) Um, favorite toys.... I really enjoy my Playstation 2. Basketballs are pleasureable to me. I use my digital camera like a toy. That's three.... Rollerblades? Sure, Rollerblades. And a hockey stick. I've come to a conclusion: I don't play nearly enough. Playing keeps you young, don'tcha know.
I've come to another conclusion: I'm somewhat boring. Time to pull a Madonna and start sashaying about in a bullet bra. There's nothing boring about that! What about you, Sylvia, Missy, and Drea? What makes you kidz tick?