Sunday, June 17, 2007

FOR THE LOVE OF COFFEE!

How's this for disgusting? In my ever-love for all things coffee, I have just--three minutes ago--reached a new "low." While I was enjoying a fresh cup of java, I noticed that there was something in my mouth that wasn't quite right. I got up from my chair and strode purposefully to the bathroom, whereupon I released the liquid of my mouth into the yellow waters of the toilet bowl. The contents of the bowl and the contents of my mouth combined to make a nice, pleasing, golden-brown hue. And, in a display of curdled death that would have made Hank Mancini proud, I saw this: A dead ant.

Dead ant, dead ant, deadantdeadantdeadantdeadant...deaddeaddeaddead ANT.

I poured the rest of the coffee out and got myself a new cup. I will not be cowed! (However, in the future, if I see ripples in a cup of joe that really shouldn't be there, I'll do my best Sherlock Holmes, put on a tweed cap and a monocle, and do some investigating.) :-\

16 comments:

Nanette said...

I now have the strong desire to eat a chocolate covered ant while watching Pink Panther. Hmmmm.

littlemissy555 said...

I now have the strong desire to have another cup of coffee ;0) *checks cup for foreign objects/creatures*

Melissa said...

Blech.

I found a dead spider in my electric teakettle some time ago, but I let him stay. I find his flavor delightful - really adds a certain something to green tea.

The One and Only A said...

You know what the (not-so) funny thing is? I was driving at work, after stopping home for lunch, and I took a swig of coffee from my travel mug and...you guessed it...another dead ant. Blech is right! I think Someone is telling me to quit the coffee. It truly is disgusting. While I was at work, I picked up a four-pack of Raid ant traps. Let's see the motherfuckers after *that*!

The only true concern I have about the Raid traps is that they don't kill the ant right away. No, it blares on the container that "ANTS WILL EAT AND THEN CRAWL BACK TO THEIR NEST TO DIE!" thus poisoning the rest of their mates. My concern is that, after eating the Sugary Death, they'll say to themselves, with their insectile logic, "Hey, how about washing down that sweet treat with a good cup of joe?" And then they'll go swimming again, but this time, when my tongue caresses their curled dead bodies, it will also soak up some ant poison. :-O And that's NEVER good. But, like a creature of habit, I have a pot brewing right now, as I type.

I think they are drawn to the sweetness of the hazelnut coffee that I mixed with the Maxwell House, for I've never had this problem before.

--novella complete--

Sugar Kane said...

There are worse things you could've found. Besides, ants are a good source of protein. At least, that's what I learned during my weekend marathon of Man vs Wild.

The One and Only A said...

Yeah, Sugar Kane. Protein. And I'll have to remember that for when i am stranded in the Amazonian rain forest. Until that day, though, I have a strict "Eat No Antz" rule. :-P

Drea said...

Okay this might sound weird but I hate anything with Marzipan or Almond Essence because i reckon it tastes like 'dead ants'. Not that i routinely eat dead ants, but i've accidentally chomped a few in my time...plus you know the smell they give off when squashed?? That is what Marzipan is like! YUK.

The One and Only A said...

You know what, Drea? I know exactly what you're talking about. I've never liked marzipan--this could be why!

Sugar Kane said...

I've never noticed ants having a smell, but lady bugs. They're the worst.

The One and Only A said...

Ants always seemed to me that they had a metallic smell, kinda like copper. Lady bugs, I have never smelled--at least without their consent. It would be too forward, methinks. ;-)

Terry said...

Im more of a tea drinker. But when the tea escaped the bag? Its like the baby ants have taken a swim in my warm sweet tea goodness. So wrong!

The One and Only A said...

Argh, Terry. I hate that. That's one of the reasons I don't drink tea. That and I'm completely addicted to the java. =)

Kelly said...

My brother once found a cricket in his Mister Misty Float. Well, he found it in his mouth as he was drinking a Mister Misty Float. To this day, Dairy Queen commercials make him gag.

Kelly said...

And, by the way, you marzipan-haters = crazy. I loves me the almond goodness. Nothing antlike about it.

Nocturnal said...

Well I'm sure that ant couldn't have drank too much of your coffee.

The One and Only A said...

Hi Kelly! Welcome! There is fresh linen in the third drawer down and fresh towels, too. Make yourself comfortable.

Nocturnal, if that motherfucking ant drank even one *iota* of *my* coffee, I'll kill 'im a second time. ;-)