Saturday, June 16, 2007


I have been granted special privileges to blog, in case you were wondering where the hell I have been. Well, I'll tell you--if They'll let me. (They have a habit of censoring what I write, so I'm never really sure how much of what I write gets to the Outside.)
I am--and, for about 7 days, have been--in Blogging Purgatory. The walls here are industrial green--kind of a light yellowish-sea foam color--and there are no windows of which I am aware. The clock is fuzzy, for the lack of a better word. Every time I try to focus on it to see what time it is, to get a better grasp of the finality of my perdicament, the numbers shift. It could be three in the morning, it could be three in the afternoon...hell, it could be fifteen trillion o'clock in the Ne'er World, for all I know. That is the way They want it. They want to keep me confused and under Their thumb.

It is what it is. But I yearn to be free of these Chains.

Their allowing me to press keyboard squares is actually pretty uncharacteristic, truth be told. They usually just make me watch the battered black-and-white Zenith in the living room--no writing is allowed. The TV plays scratchy versions of "The 700 Club" over and over and over again, all insincere white grins and polyester suits; They play it on a continuous loop.

Here, in Blogger's Purgatory, there are no stars. Out here, we is stoned, immaculate. See? That's all that I can do. I am bound by Chains of Uncreativity. All I am able to do is type nonsense, or rip off dead rock stars from the '60s, maaaaaannnn.

I have included a picture that I surreptitiously shot of one of the guards. He stands/sits at the top of the stairs and looks down upon me, emotionlessly, but his gaze scalds me, nonetheless. Every time that I think I might be devising a way to break the Chains of Banality, his gaze cuts through my skin, through my skull, and into my brain, whereupon it excises, laser-like, any and every germ of creative thought.

I stare, now, at these puke-green walls and I wish for days of yore. Days in which I could come up with a legitimate (or even not so legitimate) topic to post. A topic like "What I Did on My Summer Vacation" or "Why I named Lou, Lou" or "The Weather Here in Michigan Sure is Crazy, Huh?". I am in Blogger's Purgatory, otherwise known as Writers' Block 101.

Break out the plot-wheel. It's time to roll up the proverbial shirtsleeves and get to crackin'. Starting righ--Shit! I hear Them coming! Go on! Leave me! I will find you! And, if I don't, tell Peggy Sue tha


Nanette said...

Perhaps we are all there. It is the internet's version of LOST.

At least you can make dishing about writer's block entertaining. :)

Melissa said...

The guard sounds truly evil.

The One and Only A said...

Thanks Nighthawk! =)

The guard *is* evil, Meliss. :-0

Sugar Kane said...

Was that you I passed on the way to the yard? I traded some smokes for some brass knuckles, so I'm hoping to break out soon. See you on the other side.

The One and Only A said...

Yeah, Sugar, it *was* me. Did n't you see me wave? I'd just assumed that you'd blown me off cuz I was a Tigers fan. =(

Regarding the Insurrection: We have to keep it on the DL for now, but the time, soon, is coming.

Sugar Kane said...

I wouldn't blow you off for being a Tigers fan. It's already too sad. Now if you tell me you're a Pistons fan? That's another story. You might end up shived.

The One and Only A said...

I'll consider myself shivved, Sugar. =) What basketball team do you call yours? The friggin' Hawks?! ;-)

Sugar Kane said...

NOOOOOOOOO! Sixers all the way.

Ok, last try. What's your football team? Odd as it, I'm a Colts/Steelers fan. Don't try to figure it out. It doesn't make sense to me either.

The One and Only A said...

Okay, Sugary Wondah. I'm thinking that you live in Pennsylvania. Though I am--truly--befuddled. You call yourself a fan of the Sixers, the Colts/Steelers...okay, Pennsylvania all the way...but you also profess love for the Saint Louise Cardi-Fails. Hmmm. ;-)

Okay. And here you go (this is beating-worthy): I am a fan of the bumbling laughingstock that is known to all as the Deee-troit Lions. Kill me now. :-O

Sugar Kane said...

The Lions? I thought only Tim-the Tool Man-Taylor was a Lions fan. (yeah, I just made a really lame Home Improvement joke) I guess that's better than The Patriots. Props for being loyal to your home town teams.

I do not and have not ever lived in Pennsylvania or Missouri. To be honest, I've been a fan of several NBA teams over the years. I guess I'm a little fickle.

Cardi-fails? I guess I shouldn't expect much from a Tigers fan. By the way, who on the world series?

The One and Only A said...


That's all I can say, unfortunately. "Um."


Congratulations to the Cardinals. They earned every bit of tickertape that fell.