Saturday, October 27, 2007


We never lose it, do we? Though we stretch out and gray and bald and wrinkle, we are still always the little child from yesteryear. Though we layer Adulthood atop our Ids and our Superegos, we are still little Sally or little Bill, close to tears after skinning our knees.

I went to Hollywood Market today, intent upon picking up (ONLY!) some dog chew-bones, some Liquid Plumr, lunchmeat, eggs and some milk. Of course I gathered much more than that [I can never stick to my list] and I had the young vixen-angel--she was dressed in white with wings--pack my purchases into some paper bags. (Actually, when she asked me if I wanted paper or plastic, I surreptitiously took in her delicate cleavage and smiled and said to her, "Whatever's easier, angel." Got-damn, I'm a laugh a friggin' minute! Hell, at least I got a smile and a blush out of the angel.)

Anyway, enough about the loveliness of young 22-year-old breasts.

When I started towards the exit, I saw an older woman walking into the foyer from the drizzly outside. Actually, I saw her right foot first, and then I saw her left knee and then I saw her posterior and then I saw her midsection and, finally, I saw her shoulders and head as she slipped on the wet floor and skidded to a graceless stop on her knee, on her ass. Public falling. Gotta love it.

Surprisingly, I had no urge to chortle. Rather, I felt empathy for the woman.

I started my cart towards her and said matter-of-factly, "You wanna hand?" Like the world's oldest toddler, she looked up at me and said, "Yes. Thank you." I helped her up and said to her, "They should have a rug down here, or something." Her companion--her mother, maybe?--said, "Yes. They should." "Maybe you should let them know that the floor is slippery," I said. "Yes. Maybe we should," replied the fallen woman.

My duty done, I tucked my Superman logo back into my shirt and continued on, bemoaning the fact that I am wholly unable to stick to my carefully-considered lists.


Melissa said...

Good of you not to laugh - no one needs insult added to injury. Way to go, Superman.

Try to think of your list as a jumping off point, that's how I rationalize coming home with extras :)

oestrebunny said...

I always buy more than I need. So now I only take a wee bit of money so I can't buy the other things that catch my eye.

Whispering the mantra "Step away from the cake, Fatty" also helps in moments of weakness. :)

Tirzah said...

Way to be SuperAdam! Although if that were to ME, I would have totally layed myself out on the floor and burst out laughing hysterically!

autumnanjel said...

That was sweet. Rough construction worker by day, sweet do gooder by 4:30.

Jay said...

Way to avoid the temptation to run up to that woman and, while standing over her, throw your arms out wide and scream "SAFE!!" LOL

Grocery lists are merely suggestions to me. Kind of a guideline of ideas, like an outline for a blog post. I can always go in any direction once I get started.

kristina said...

I don't even bother with lists... They just end up in the bottom of my purse, and I leave having spent an extra hundred dollars I didn't have. Good times.

Yeah, and good job for being a gentleman and not laughing at the lady who fell.

buxindi said...

just to let you know, a new hollywood is having an october grand opening sale. it moved into the old farmer jack at 12 and campbell. i haven't gone yet, but when i went about a month ago, they said all of october would be filled with sales. you could go listless and see what they have. i hope the woman didn't hurt herself. my arthritic body empathizes with the description of the fall. ouch.

Nanette said...

You are such a gentleman. :D

As for the lists, just do as I do, leave them at home and get everything but what you intended to purchase. Problem solved. ;)

qofd said...

You are too sweet. I would still have giggled, maybe I would have waited until I was in my car but I guess that makes you a better person than me.


The One and Only A said...

Mel: Jumping off? Okay! =o)

Bunny: LOL I need to say the same thing to myself whenever I open up the icebox and see my chocolate cream pie.

Tizzy: Laughed hysterically? But don't you think that that might have bummed the lady out, a bit? ;-)

Not too rough, Lees. =o)

Jay: LMFAO That would have been classic. I think she may have cried if I had done that.

If I were to carry a purse, KId, I'm sure that that would be where my lists would end up. :-/

The One and Only A said...

Boo-Boo: My arthritic knees commiserated, as well. ;-) And, yup, I've seen the new Hollywood, but I have yet to set foot in it. I'm sure I will eventually. Hopefully before October fades into November. :-O

Nan-Nighthawk: I'm a gentleman? I reckon I fake it well. ;-) As to buying everything *but* what I had intended to buy? Yeah. I've been there, done that. Often.

Queenie: How could I be a better person than you, m'dear? You're a *queen* for God's sake! (rice wine) And, truth be told, when I got to my car, I did kind of breathe some subliminal laughter.

BottleBlonde said...

Now THAT'S a real man. I'm impressed you didn't laugh. I also don't laugh when people fall 'cause I've busted ass in public more times than I can count on my hooves.

P.S. I was thinking about doing a post on the grocery store as well.

The One and Only A said...

Hooved bottleblonde: Falling in public...I've done it often. Once, when I was at MSU, an early-Winter day went like this for me: I wiped out on my 10-speed in the snow, infront of about 30 people before my morning class. At lunch, I dropped my tray of food and was showered with applause. And, at dinner, parrying with the beginnings of a bad cold, I dropped my dinner tray of food, again to a smattering of applause. That time, I bowed and doffed an imaginary top hat.

Ah, good times. :-P