Sunday, October 14, 2007

THOUGHTS AT 2:30

Today--tonight--in a span of about five hours, I saw no less than 13 cop cars. I am ten-and-a-half months without a drink of alcohol. In the past, because I would have had a buzz, the 13-plus cop cars would have had me quaking in my captain's seat and would have sent my heart rate off-kilter and I may have felt a suffocating feeling and I would surely have admonished myself and kicked my own ass and have said to myself, "Adam, you fucking dumbass, why do you do this to yourself?!"

I would have formulated in my mind a scenario in which the pole-ees ossifers were all cocks and were all on power trips and but I would have been gripped nonetheless with a sinking feeling of powerlessness and inferiority. And, let's face it, fear. Not of the assholes, per se, but rather the power with which they sashayed. The power that could crush me like an insect and render my life as I knew it a pile of debt and ashes.

Tonight, though, I had perspective. I saw them simply as men and women doing their job. I saw them as headstrong and cocksure power-trippers and I saw them in my rearview mirror as I drove soberly past them, flipping my middles at their doughnut-crammed front porches.

Yeah. I'm working on my cop complex. :-P

8 comments:

Heather said...

Glad you were sober, darlin. And you never want to meet my dad ;-)

Melissa said...

Interesting how perspective can change, isn't it? You're going to have a certain number of cocks in any profession, but most people are just doing their jobs. Glad you're working on your complex.

And VERY glad you're at ten and a half months sober!

Jay said...

Well, most of the cops you drove past really are power-hungry assholes who think they are the law all by themselves. ;-)

Good job on 10.5 months sober. That's an impressive accomplishment dude.

Tirzah said...

First of all congrats of your soberness! I'm proud of you! :~)
I get the feeling from a lot of the younger cops that they are strictly power hungry too, but then again if I was in their position I might want to appear that way as to be taken seriously...so I understand from both ways. Some really are just dicks though. They deserve THE SPORK...... LMAO!

Nanette said...

I was just cleaning my inbox out the other day and came across our initial email exchanges--my how sobriety has changed you.

I know I don't really 'know' you Adam, but I am so proud of you for tackling your beast.

Me_Again said...

And 10 out of the 13 were in my hood :-O
Day by day - I love that cloche ;-)

The One and Only A said...

Heather: I'm glad I was sober, too. And i take it that your dad is a cop? I's solly. =o)

Melmac: I flubbed the math a bit. It's actually more like 10 months and eight days, but that's cool too.

Jay: Exactly. And thanks.

Yeah, Teasah, I can see it from both sides, too. But, yeah, a lot are dicks.

Nighthawk: I would LOVE to read those exchanges! :-P

Meeg: Cloche! LOL Yeah, your hood was swimming with the motherfuc--er, ossifers of the peace. ;-)

Nocturnal said...

Well done, that's damn cool you're staying on track. A difficult task to say the least.

Cheers