I am so happy. Not only that I have a beautiful girlfriend who knows and understands and loves me--warts and all--but I am also happy because I going to someplace in a couple of days that will help me. 'Cause, obviously, I have no chance of succeeding on my own. It is an impossibility.Sucks to say, but true.
So...blah, blah and blah. Shutchu fucking ass up and go to a rehab. Seriously. Enough talk.
Just do it.
Okay. So I will.
In said rehab, they will, first, medically check me. Then, I'll be absolved of the cirriculam for the first day. That is a time in which patients detoxify themselves. During the first couple of nights, medical staff will enter my room, at various times of the night, and take my blood pressure and, perhaps (I've forgotten) load me with a tranquilizer so that I don't die of a seizure. That sounds worse than it actually is--except for being woken up repeatedly; that sucks ass.
Days will consist of meetings and classes that deal with addiction and alcoholism. Are they fun? No. Do they teach me much more than I already know? Hell, no. Are they an effective deterrent to slowly killing oneself with toxic beverages? Hell, yes.
Is it a vacation? Um, no. Is it necessary? I believe that, yes, it is.
There is a part of me that is completely embarrassed that I couldn't handle it enough. That I had to check myself back in to rehab. In fact, it peeves me, mos' def'. And then there is another part of me that says, "Sir? You couldn't handle it. You lack the proper skills. Get your ass--please!--and get back into rehab. Ya gotta, brother."
I acquiesce to that sometimes-not-so-quiet voice. Because he (or she) is brilliant. Time has lost relevance; important social functions have lost their urgencies. Health is a bugaboo. It is a waste of time. The only thing that matters is getting that next high-octaned beer. That? That ain't good.
On the plus side...wait; I'm thinking. On the plus side, I get to know how I'll feel when I am 70: washed-out, sick, trembly, weak, and with horrible breath. ;-)
So, yeah. Getcho ass to a rehab. Listen to what they have to say. Soak up all the inspiration and information that you can--ya fucking drunk. This *is* your life. *Your* life. Try not to waste it, let it fall to the wayside 'cause you wasn't strong enough to deal with your demons. That is both cowardly and, also, a tragedy, dude. Get yourself together, man.
Make your father proud.
Okay.
Can I fast-forward to Sunday? :-)
Do they have Mozart in rehabilitation centers? They should. He is aural Prozac.
I'm going, I'm going.
This does not add up to being taken in "kicking and screaming." I want to go.
Y'all sick of this, yet? Because I am.
17 comments:
We're all going to be here when you get back buddy. I'll be sending good vibes your way.
I do appreciate the vibes, Jay-Jay. They can't hurt, right? The thing is, I think--know--that I need to go through a whole reversal of Thought.
Fuck. I'm tired already! ;-)
Thank you for the kind words, though. It means a lot to me.
(Also? I am sorry for being such a whiny bitch. That gets annoying, huh?)
I'm so glad you're ready to go, and more than that, that you're anticipating going! This is a solid move, Adam.
Love you xoxox
DUH - Isn't the whole point of blogging so we can all be whiney bitches when we need to be? LOL Don't worry Sweets, It'll get better. You know how I know? Because not only do we all want to see it happen for you, but YOU want it to happen. You can see what it's doing and you know it's not a good path for you. Go. Get the help you need. I won't be around this weekend, so I'll send you your Sunday good luck message with this one. Prayers, my friend, they are with you! Love and good vibes, they are with you too. From far and wide. xo
There is nothing wrong in asking for help when you need it.
I know you can do it.
NICE ASS!
It'll be even better when it gets out of rehab...
You can do it, you WILL do it, and you will be better for having done it.
As long as it takes...
We're here for you!
Hugs and love,
JenBun
very well said. we all love you and will say a prayer for you. the time will go by quickly and we can't wait for you to be back with us.
Rehab can be pretty cool, Adam. Keep a journal -- you may be surprised by what you read once you've gotten out. You're going to be even more fabulous than you already are once you get out! See you soon! x
Take whatever they offer you to get rid of the shakes, and more importantly take care of yourself.
See ya when you get back. :)
Well, I was hoping that flickr photo of the brew was a gag, sigh. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you have a problem and I'm very proud of you for having the cortical wherewithal for recognizing your demons.
I know you won't get this until you're back...but, I'll be sending postive energy your way. Take care, Adam.
What's your addiction? A woman told me recently that i was addicted to virtual reality (blogs).
oh what a beast, addiction is.
but you know what. it doesn't have to be the beast that kills you.
i'm thankful that you see yourself falling back into the pattern, now, while you're in the mindset to stop it. and that you HAVE taken the steps to get yourself back on the right track. keep moving forward, man.
and remember. ... Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace... ;)One day at a time, man. It's the only way.
xoxo
Good luck!
I wish you the best Adam! Love ya!
Thanks, Jen Bun. Now you have to show yours. It's a blogging rule.
:-/
BooBoo: You sure about that?
Izzy: Rehab is the bomb.
Melissa: Phenobarbitol. I may have missplled that. :-O
Nanny! Good to hear from you! Yes, the picture was from the archives but, no, that blasted Demon still pinches me shoulder.
Matt? My addiction is caffiene, nicotiene (sp?) and alcohol. The only addiction that will KILL me posthaste is alcohol. The others will take their time. As a suggestion? Never get hooked on opiates. The withdrawl is horrendous and, even five days later, you'll still get the muscle cramps. :-|
KId: Thanks for checking in. Have you birthed your nino yet? Anyway, you write wiser than your 23 years. Thank you. =)
Thanks, Tizz! I can give you this addiction, if you want! =-)
I'm 14 days without a drink.It rough but I think worth it.
Nice butt by the way:)
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