Support don't help. Love does not help. My own mind *definitely* does not help.I cannot impart to you enough the weight of the monkey monkeying about on my shoulders.
Gosh.
If you are a tee-totaler, more Power to you. I wish I had your unaddicted mind for my own.
But. This the shiznizzle: Through a taxi cab or some other means, I am headed back to Maplegrove. Fuck. Shoot.
Fuck it. It is what it is. I cannot control the Monkey. The leash is frayed, at best.
So. And then it goes.
Shall I prepare myself for a life of Addiction?
Can't I kick this bumblebee to the kerb? Answered: Highly doubtful.
This makes me so fucking sad.
Fuggit. Life goes on. You need to have Perspective. What was once your most worrisome problem turns out to be, after time, your most hilarious joke.
But. I am heading back to rehab. Today or tomorrow--I ain't sure. It all depends upon the ride! =o)
Fuck it.
8 comments:
I don't really know what to say Adam, except that I think maybe you just need to sit down and really talk to someone.
At least you're writing about it which is something.
But it's not a dead end. It's a temporary road block.
And you'll get by it.
I'm proud of you for taking the steps you need to, for going to rehab...you can do this honey. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, and it's good to ask for help. You can DO this!
*hug!
Good for you, Adam. I know you can do it.
i've got a car waiting for anytime you want to go. but if it is to be on sunday (after the wedding), then please take the step to take the antibuse and walk carefully to sunday morning. your "best man" will certainly be a better man for the groom if it is all you and not you with a silverback on your shoulders. i KNOW you can do it. you are the best!
I'm glad that you're gonna go back Adam. Do what you need to do to get yourself healthy. :)
Thanks, all. I can listen to "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" only so much.
But. Life *does* go on. The Beets nailed it on that one.
=o)
I'll be fine.
Thank you all for your concern(s).
:-P
This is a great step, a big one. You can do it. Love you, xoxox
If it means anything, I've had you in my prayers nightly. I think you're a great guy, and I really want to see you overcome this obstacle to a happier life. There's a great big sober world out there waiting to be had. Go get it! (And good luck honey).
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