Brief snippets:Yesterday night I was driving home from the local 24-hour supermart with Meagan and we drove past a business called Tub-n-Tan. They offer tanning services and also hot tubs that people can rent for the hour--or half-hour, whatever. I said to Meagan, "That'd be pretty fun, eh? Renting a hot tub?"
She agreed and we drove on a bit in comfortable silence. I thought about the hot tubs and said, "I wonder how often they clean them?" And a nice collection of words swam to my forebrain. I looked over at her and said, "Vaginal secretions and seminal residue coated the water like an oil spill." She gag-coughed. "Um. Gross."
I do wonder what goes on in those tubs. I can just imagine some pop-shots and the semi-solids slowly rising to the surface of the turbulent water, bopping along on the bubbles like so much (literally) man-made flotsam and jetsam. The vaginal secretions would not be as readily apparent...but they'd be there--mark my word.
***
In other news, I have a gnat problem. The motherfuckers are taking up residence in my kitchen, bumping along in the skies above the garbage disposal. I think that is where they sprang to existence, from the succulent mashes of Post-Food. I have cleaned the garbage disposal--let the mother run for a minute straight--and I have washed the counters and cleaned the stove and religiously kept the garbage can from overflowing, but the sons-of-bitches are still flapping around. It makes me feel dirty...and it makes me wonder what exactly I am eating if I leave my food unattended in the kitchen for a moment. Ick.
I went online and looked up how to get rid of gnats. What you see in the picture is an altered Coke bottle--its head cut off--slightly filled with a delicious cocktail of cider vinegar with a dollop of dish detergent. I covered the top with Saran-Wrap and I rubber banded it in place. A toothpick was used to poke Entrance-Onlys into the plastic. The idea is that the motherfucking gnats will "smell" the delicacy and fumble into the trap, never to leave, never to be seen or heard from again. I feel bad for the gnats' familes but--no, I don't. Die, bastards!
Next to the Do-it Yourself deathtrap, is a natural wonder: Meagan bought me a Venus Flytrap and, already, it seems to be working. A couple of the vulva-shaped "mouths" have already closed, dooming, I hope, some gnats to their deaths.
Wish me luck.
7 comments:
I've stayed in a couple of hotels that have big whirlpool tubs for two and have wondered the same thing. Just how well do they clean those things. Of course, they don't clean anything else in hotel rooms either.
We have gnats too. I guess all the rain and the humidity have stirred them up. I might try that little vinegar trap idea.
That is the most disgusting thing I've read today....
Jay: If you like the smell of vinegar, I highly recommend it. ;-P It seems to be working, though. Also, yesterday, Meagan might have discovered the origin of the motherscratchers: we had made some pina coldas about a month ago and, somehow, a bunch of the sticky residue had remained on a part of the blender where one would not normally clean. I scrubbed that sumnabeetch and here I sit, now, hoping. By the way, how are your Fantasy squads doing? I had Brady in one of my leagues. :-O
Bunny Bleu: Was it gnats that grossed you out or was it the reference to the hot tubs? Either way, I'm happy that I could bring such joy to your life. :-D
They seem to be everywhere right now, so don't take their presence as a reflection on your housekeeping. I've seen them here, at restaurants, at work and the bowling alley. In fact, last night at bowling one found my drink irresistable and had to be plucked from my tongue. Yuck.
Maybe it's just their time of year. Off to do a little gnat research.
Hmmm... hot tubs, eh? They sound fun...
I'm sure chlorine removes most of the ickiest stuff.
We had gnats in the office kitchen and one of the girls made the same traps you did... all that happened was we got sick of the smell and dumped them out. Better luck to you! :)
Definitely the hot tubs.....:)
Have you tried pouring a bunch of baking soda down the drain where the garbage disposal is and then pouring a bunch of vinegar down there? It's so fun to do. HAHAHA! Then pour some boiling water down there to clean it out the rest of the way. Maybe the fly traps will work well enough, but cleaning the drain will be beneficial either way. :)
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