This just in: it has been brought to my attention that the pants you see to the right side of the screen--one of my favorite pairs of jeans--are, in fact, women's jeans. I feel so violated. The jeans never told me, gosh damn it!I got them about a year ago at a local thrift store for maybe five bucks, or something like that--and, yes, they were hanging in the Men's section. I came to find out, a few days ago, that Claiborne is a woman's brand. Oh, the humanity! Meagan was helping me fold some of my laundry and she picked up the jeans and turned to me and said, "Hey, whose are these?" Why, they're mine, Buttercup, I responded. "Adam. These are women's [pants]," she said. "Liz Claiborne? You know? Woman's brand?" And then she started laughing.
**Sob**
"You know," I said to her, "I was wondering about that. I mean, I have heard of Liz Claiborne for women. But, they were in the Men's section! I guess I just thought that she had a men's line, too?"
That just got her to laughing even harder. She was turned away from me, folding some of my underwear (and, no, they weren't panties; they were manly boxer-briefs, damn it) but I knew that she was busting a silent gut at my expense. I could see her shoulders rocking. And I could hear the sound of her hilarity being suppressed with great effort.
"Sure, let it out, Meegie," I said, false hurt saturating my voice. "Just go ahead and laugh at me, why don'tcha?" I think I may have dropped into my '30s Gangster Voice for that last sentence. It just seemed to fit the situation. Then again, '30s Gangster Voice fits just about any situation. Except for funerals and weddings and, even then, the 8-Ball's answer is murky.
Anyway, I blame the Salvation Army for my ongoing emotional distress. They had the damned pants hanging in the Men's section, for crying out loud! What was I to think?!
Meh, fuggit. I'm doomed. I'm already wearing women's pants; how long will it take before I'm wearing women's shirts? And socks?! And, God forbid, snazzy bra-and-panty combinations?!
My life is over. Good-night.
**Sob**
21 comments:
A good pair of jeans is hard to find...who cares if they're womens?
If you didn't notice, chances are no one else did either.
Ack! Rip out the tag and pretend you never had the revelation!
I conducted some research for you-- I was going to inform you that the buttons are on one side for the ladies and t'other for the gents... but apparently, they're all on the right! (Which, I'm told, is for greater ease in dressing for right-handed people!) (Wanna go in with me on a line of lefty pants???) :D
Either way, I'm sure the silk of the bra and panties will feel nice against your skin... ;)
I'm sure you'll look really sexy in fishnets and high heels. ;-)
Thanks for all your support, folks. :-P
Bunny: That's a very valid point, and I thank you.
Caleal-a-leal: The only problem with that is if I rip it out too hard and I somehow tear the pants, thus exposing the satiny sheen of...er, uh, wait. ;-)
JenBun: I know for button-up shirts there's a difference, but pants, as you found out, are virtual chameleons. As to the silk/satin feel of fabric, I have some satin animal print bedsheets and, though they may be geared towards chicks, I love the feel of the sheets. Ten minutes after lying down in them and I'm sawin' logs like a baby. If that analogy makes *any* sense whatsoever. :-P
Jay-Jay: Sexy? Oh, you have no idea. :-P
AHAHAHA! You crack me up!
I need to get me one of those thirties gangsta voices too...
Are we talkin "You dirt rat you killed my brudda" kinda gansta?
Peace bro, M
Maithri: You got it, man. Some other good phrases for the '30s Gangster Voice are: "ya duhtee coppa," "end up in the clink, seeeee-ah?" and "a pretty bird, sure, but the years had been rough on'uh." And the '30s Gangster Voice necessarily has to have intermittent breaks in cadance. It's a rule, I think.
When I stop laughing we'll make an appointment to go thirft store shopping so that never happens again.
I'm going shopping this afternoon and will keep an eye out for a cute blouse for you. Hee!
Thanks, Girl. =O) I'll meetcha in Joisey.
Har-dee-har-har, Missy. :-\ Actually, that *is* pretty damned funny. "Blouse." LOL I get the image of you picking out a Seinfeld puffy pirate shirt for me.
I wore a leather jacket throughout the first half of elementary school (it was the days of Terminator 2...leather jackets were cool) and my mom thought I was cute in it so she neglected to tell me it was a womens' jacket...
Either way, you look Mahvelous Baby!
I wear my jeans until they have holes, then I hang onto them until jeans with holes are the "in" thing.
Not purchasing new jeans can be cool if you wait long enough.
You need a nice murse to go with those.
That'll be hot.
Franklin: I know that I shouldn't be sniggering, here, what with my having worn women's jeans for quite awhile--and I'm wearing them right now, for that matter--but I just have to laugh at the image in my mind that shows little Franklin wandering the Halls of Elementary wearing a pleated leather jacket. It *did* have pleats, didn't it? ;-P
Tesa: Hey! Thanks! =o) BTW, Tesa/Terry, you won the "Play it Forward" game. If you still want to participate, email me your snail-mail address.
Still Drinkin': Good advice; that way you both save money AND get to wear the Next! "New"! Thing!
Laura: Welcome to the blog, dearie. Once I figure out---wait, I just figured it out. LOL A "murse" is a man-purse? LOL At first I thought you'd had a bit of a typo. I may also look for a "manbag"--LMFAO. That's a man's handbag. "Manbag"...jeezum crow...what a world we live in. My looking for a "manbag" just seems wrong on SO many damned levels. Haha.
Don't look'h here see'h.
*As the hamburglar hides the tag
;0)
LMAO @ Melissa. I can't say a word. All my girlfriends wear men's jeans.
Have worn...have worn!!!! Gah, it sounds like I have about 43 girlfriends. And I have...but only one at a time!
LOL, Meegie. We'll write that screenplay yet. =o)
Lynn: 43 girlfriends at one time?! Good Lord! I think I'd like to see 43 girlfriends at time when they were all feeling amorous. Sweet! It'd be like a Bed o' Flesh! :-P
Not only are they lady jeans, dude, they're MOM jeans. Just count yourself lucky you aren't wandering around in women's clothing sporting camel toe.
Remember, it can always be worse.
Sassy: Mother jeans?! Oh. Shit! How long is it before I take to drinking tea and attending scrapbooking sessions with menopausal women named Ruth and Gerta and Pearl?!
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