Monday, December 06, 2010

KING LOUIE

A Poem:

your ashes rest right next to the television set
below, Oliver snorts his breaths on a double-bed

how long could I have waited?
i fear that i waited too long, you were all skinny
gangly

well, you were gangly as a puppy, too
all big-eared and big-headed and full of energy

i remember taking you roller-blading, but
you took me
long legs flexing, you carried me Home

Home is Love
Home is Peace
Happiness is Home

brindle, you were
and are, always in my mind
you're ashes now,
gray, in a plastic bag
but, to me, you'll always be brindled
Golden Louie

Time has a way of diminishing
you were never diminished
Time has a way of culling defeat from victory
you were defeated only once
Time has a way of shellacking over past Glory
your Glory never left you

you were Strong
until your last day, you were strong

does it seem stoopid to poime to a doggy?

not to me, it doesn't

you were my Constant,
you were my Louie

and you'll always be

dogs have a way of implanting themselves into a human brain
a human mind
a human soul
dogs have a way of ingratiating themselves into a human Life

and, so, when the dog is gone
the presence is still felt
and leaves oh-so slowly

dogs are kids and babies and companions and
compatriots
dogs are Love and Health and Compassion and
grief
dogs are life-savers
dogs are saints
doG is God spelled backwards
dogs are:

feeling the wind in your face as you are pulled on 'Blades
behind a boxer-mix who thinks he's a huskey

dogs are Safety
dogs are always there
dogs are 24/7
dogs will come when called

sometimes, dogs are "bad"
getting in the garbage
treating the basement like a toilet
snapping at contractors

but dogs are oh-so good
dogs are dogs
end of story

but it ain't

when i saw you suffering, Louie,
i waited for a reason
"he's lost weight!"
"he's all skin and bones!"
"he sometimes loses his bladder in the house!"
(which, of course, you'd--on one hand--done before)
"he's not looking too well!"
"but he still eats!"
"long live the Survivor!"

even Survivors have to succumb, eventually

your last week, i kept my eye on you
i watched: for differences, for malaise towards food and drink
eventually, it came
and i knew i had to make your decision for you
because you wouldn't
you'd have shrunk to nothing
your Survivor Spirit
was nothing less than amazing

it had to be done

it had to be done.

so i did it

and cried like a baby when you were shuffled off to buffalo
when, through injection, your heart quit
when, throughout it all,

i still remembered you as the gangly puppy
all ears
and the strong boy
all Heart
and the Constant Companion, always

always.

before that point in my life, i'd never shaken with Grief
(every day is an adventure, eh?)
i shook with Grief
i kissed you on your dead head and your dead ears and
smelled, one more time, what i could of you

(the olfactory sense is too-often overlooked)

and then i realized, through the help of meeg, that
it was time to go
i realized that it was time to leave you....

but i never will; you know that, right?

one last thing:
you know how, when you were sick, you still licked ollie's ears?
that, to me, was a denotation of what you were
ollie, the trouble-maker, ollie the oaf
you, in your sickness, were there for him
i saw it in your eyes, man
whenever i would get a little mean with ollie
your ears went back
you'd protect a brother over a pack leader
that meant a lot to me

(could i be personifying?)
(when don't i?)

maybe i am over-emotional
or maybe i am not

the bond that exists between a "master" and his "beast" is strong

i'll never forget, lou
never forget

***

love you, man
have fun at that self-proclaimed "rainbow bridge"
i'll see you when i see you

i'll see you on the Other Side
baby doggy
i love you, man
and i always will

5 comments:

Melissa said...

Big BIG hug. Been thinking about you and Lou. Love you, xoxox

Adamity_Bomb_Bomb said...

Thanks, sis. I be okay. If you want a Real teaR, look up Ozzy's full-length version of "See You." That--it--is Golden, girl.

(Blanche.)

Love you. Thank you for your thoughts.

--Adam

Melissa said...

So sorry Louie is no longer with you. It is evident that he was very well-loved and had a wonderful life.

gummy said...

so sorry, Adam ...tears in my eyes reading your poem (finally the space to look back to you and where this loss has taken you ... and where this love has taken you) ... thanks for memorializing Louie for me ... loving this dog and him loving you is such a good thing!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry Adam. I didn't know. I was just bumbling around on this computer and just happened 2 check my blogger which I havent checked in like a year. I am sooo soooo soooo sorry. I know how if feels to lose a really hairy kid. We love em just the same. It hurts my heart just to know the pain you and meeg are going through. I was hoping you would have at least one more christmas with your baby boy. My prayers are with you, louie, ollie, meeg, and nay nay. hang in there.

Lisa G.