Life is life. Sometimes you get the good end of the sheep, other times you don't.I could write a story. I could. I choose not to. There is this story about a sheep...you can fill in the rest. I am a sheep. I am also a wolf.
I'm an alkie.
And so on.
You think that you have the world by the balls, but it turns out that the World owns you.
I am not bitter. (Well, maybe a little bit.)
***
But, listen: I did it to myself. Consciously, subconsciously...what is the difference?
***
I had the World by its "short-hairs." I fell to the wayside.
That is not to say that I cannot come back. I can. I will. But...it's just kinda disheartening, sometimes.
***
Oh! Sure! Get yer ass to a meeting! Um...no. I have been to meetings and, let me tell you, they're always an uplifting occasion. Seriously. They just are. Now, while that would tell a whole hell of a lot of people to "sign on, sign in, let go, let God," I pretty-much refuse. Why? Because I am a stubborn baby. (And that is not the best way to be a 38-year-old man.) It gets old....
***
Do you know what else gets old? Trying to circumnavigate Addiction. There is absolutely no way around it. It'll getcha every time. You try--sometimes--to be "normal." Then? Then your Addiction rears its ugly motherfucking head. And you acquiesce. You give in. There are people out there who declare, "I am my body. I am my mind. I am my Soul. I give the grace of my Life to God and Jesus Christ!" And? They stop. Their little minds cannot get used to the fact that God (Yaweh) made us as we are. Every person. Every person.
***
That is why it boggles my mind, sometimes, when people act "out of line."
***
I am not trying to get a gold star on my forehead, but I will tell you this: With money in my pocket, with a slightly-skewed vision of the world, I was more than happy to give a person on the street a twenty-dollar bill. I had more; he or she had much much much less. Is that egotism? Perhaps. But you know what most of it was? Helping someone in trouble. Case closed. Because...you know? Helping someone helps your own Soul. It just does....
***
And we move on to...today. I am not asking for sympathy--I think I burned that to the ground a long long time ago. What I am asking for, though, is tolerance. When in the fuck did the human race lose capacity for tolerance? When? Where? I am faaaaaaar from perfect, but I believe in my gut, in my Soul, that everyone deserves a fair fucking handshake. (Sorry about the cussing--no, I'm not.) I just think that there are Have's and Have-Not's. (And it is getting worse.) Should I belly-ache about this? Oh! Oh, hell, yeah. [Shudder-shake.] Who am I? I just said a lot of stuff about the rich and the poor. Should I not tolerate the Rich? They are human beings, too. So! You caught me--in a hypocritical moment. Good for you!
***
And the moons shrivel; the Sun doth Shine.
***
And the leaves from the trees fall all glittery-goldilocks. Loch? No. "Locks." But? There is a monster, yes? Call it the Loch Ness Monster. Do it, if it makes you feel good. Whilst you're feeling good understand that we don't know it all. There absolutely could be a prehistoric organism living in Ness Lake. Absolutely. And who is anyone to "disqualify" a man who says that, on the full moon, he--uh--changes. Why not a werewolf? There is scientific evidence to the pro. So.
***
It is All Hallow's Eve. Halloween.
***
This is what I believe: I believe that peeps have their eyes closed. All the time. I believe that there is a--no, many--plane(s) of existence that we (unless we are a medium) are not privy to. I believe in ghosts. I believe in vampires. (But! You have got to take into consideration all the maladies that prey upon human beings. Werewolf might be a dude who is hirstute. A vamp may be a man [or a woman] who is hemophilatic.) You never know.
***
You never know.
***
What else do I believe in? Aliens. Why not? Who in their right mind thinks that we are the ONLY? Seriously.
***
This is all to say that sheep are the best option. All they'll do is "Baaaaaaaaaaaah."
***
3 comments:
Stubborn, but you're not stupid. Not by a long shot. And if something is uplifting, what the fuck, right? Grab on with both hands. If it's your decision, it's YOUR decision. Screw trying to circumnavigate addiction - blow right through the motherfucker with something you know can rip its spine out.
Hard work? Yes. Tiring to maintain? That particular aspect, yes. But I firmly and truly believe that the strength you gain in other parts of your life will help you bridge those moments. I love you and miss you.
I love you too, Missy. And I miss you too, Missy. I also miss Dad. Tomorrow will be three years since he passed. Man, time goes so quickly, doesn't it?
Go with grace, Missy, *kemo sabe*. XOXO
Addiction is one of the biggest assholes in the DSM-V And there are a lot of assholes in that book, let me tell you.
I wish you strength. I wish you peace. I believe you can do this.
Post a Comment