JERRY SPRINGER

There once was a faaaaaar-away land in which lesbians and fat people and cheaters and dwarves and giants and dog-lovers and cat-lubers lived. People "slept" with their kinfolk and nary a day went by without a Cuff-o-Fist breaking out.

There was a man behind the curtain who wasn't.

--And a break in to Reality. Times Square. Thousands of people. A bullseye on the United States, New York in the limelighted center. An SUV left running with explosive devices inside. Let us look at the devices, shall we? Gasoline, timing devices, consumer-available fireworks...kindling?--

Listen: The CNN anchors asking rhetorically if it were an international terrorist attack? Al Kumfuck is laughing right now. I don't blame them. They--the Osama Network--are guffawing. And absolutely loving this shit. They're saying to themselves, "Look! You get some irate numbskull in the A of U.S. and he'll do our job for us!"

Look. It'll happen like this: A man (or a woman) will walk into a densely-populated space--a market, a shopping center--and he or she will blow him- or herself up...along with however many people are standing in the vicinity. People will die. We'll become like a war-torn Middle Eastern nation. Arms and legs and heads and blood. Everywhere.

I am surprised it hasn't happened already.